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Latest News!

Dan and Pauliina ride the T to romance!click to see the picture Happy couple say "Tah-don"
Nantucket, MA - "Tah-don", Finnish for "I do" was repeated Saturday by Mr. Daniel C. Pope, and the newly crowned Mrs. Pauliina Toivonen-Pope. The couple exchanged two sets of vows: One in Finnish and one in English. Sporting new rings, the couple returned late Monday in an observed state of wedded bliss. Dan was later heard to say "gotta go pick up my wife". - posted 9/26/00

File Photo: Darrah and Ed at the Sallie and E.B.'s Wedding Anniversary. Planning one of their own...click to see the picture MacDougall, Arnburg drop bombshell!
East Coast, USA - In a move that surprised and delighted all, "Sky" Ed MacDougall and Darrah Arnburg of St. John, New Brunswick CANADA have announced their engagement. The happy news comes in the midst of the couple's relocation plans to the metro-Boston area. Coincidentally enough, it was Boston where they first met during a holiday party hosted by Ms. Kerri Kenerson. We all thank Kerri for her good timing. - posted 9/21/00

Sloan woman Anne Pelz: Photo courtesy of http://pages.prodigy.net/indefatigable/click to see the picture Former company-woman Pelz eschews capitalism for academia
Cambridge, MA - Stalwart TI employee, Anne Pelz turned heads when she announced that she was renouncing corporate America for the loftier pursuits of academic achievement. Observers applauded Pelz's gumption. "Now there's someone who knows that there's more to life than making money, writing business plans and acquiring venture capital", said one observer. The editorial staff of Fort Awesome applauds someone who knows that true reward comes from scholarship and intellectual discourse, rather than crass moneymaking. Classes at the Sloan School of Business at MIT started earlier this month and Ms. Pelz is doing fine. - posted 9/26/00

Man drags friend behind boat
Wolfeboro, NH - Near tragedy was averted on Lake Winnipesaukee when a man driving a speedboat was shocked to discover another man being dragged behind at an alarming rate of speed. "I saw him back there and tried as hard as I could to dislodge him from the tow-rope [that he got snagged on] by making lots of fast, sharp turns everywhere," said the driver, Blaise Beakes of nearby Rochester whose identitiy is being kept confidential until a full investigation is launched. Eye-witnesses reported that the dragging ordeal lasted for what seemed like forever. "He was really hanging on well back there," said lake resident Barbara MacGregor - further postulating: "He must be pretty good at waterskiing". Sadly, he was not. "The only thing running through my head was the theme music from Indiana Jones," said the near-victim. The victim also complained that the water was cold, but no sympathy was forthcoming. - posted 9/17/00

Local Fed: Jen Kaneclick to see the picture Purple-haired vixen "freaks out squares" at Department of Commerce
Washington, DC - Rumors were running wild inside the Beltway this summer that someone in the employ of the federal government had.... (gasp!) purple hair! Everyone, from lowly cubicle dwellers, on up to CIA goons and Clin-ton himself was speculating upon who it could be.... Gwen Stefani? Ani DiFranco? Phyllis Diller??? As Commerce employees discovered that it was Jen who possessed the purple tresses, they stopped by to gawk, stare, and otherwise disrupt work and burn through our tax dollars. Jen is happy for the attention, The federal government, however, may never be the same...- posted 9/22/00

Sallie and E. Bruce MacDougall celebrate 40th
Amherst, MA - Parents of our favorite twins marked their 40th Wedding Anniversary in Amherst earlier this month. Offspring and family friends made it a happy surprise for Sallie and "E.B." as they dropped in from all sides in a dramatic pre-dawn raid on the MacDougall compound in the remote hills surrounding the Amherst-Shutesbury border. No charges of excessive force have been filed as of press time. - posted 9/9/00

Laurie and new son Brutusclick to see the picture Beakes launches new career at New Horizons
Rochester, NH - New Hampshirian Laurie Beakes has taken on a new career direction in a management role at New Horizons's Computer Learning Centers in Portsmouth, NH. The transition has been smooth for Laurie, even in the face of week-long corporate training on the West Coast - far away from husband Blaise and her three little ones, Brutus, Celia, and Chewie. Congratulations to Laurie! - posted 8/20/00

Hero Heightens Hilarity in Hadley
Hadley Mass, Sept. 2, new millenium:- Norwottuck Rail-Trail pleasure seekers rubbernecked at the heroism of one Nickolas Crickochea, observed providing unstinting support for overweight and aging first-day in-line skaters, Eric & Phyllis, famed parents of Gabey-Wabey deliverer of Babies. Its possible that Nickolas was so traumatized by the experience that he still doesn't know where his skates are, and that the only way he'll be able to get them back is with a repeat performance. - posted 9/9/00

previously on Fort Awesome...

Toivonen to wed Pope!
Dan Pope and Pauliina Toivonen, of Brookline, MA announced that there will be nuptials in their immediate future. The groom-to-be is a 1991 graduate of Amherst Regional High School, where he first met the bride-to-be. Stay tuned for more details as the story develops! - posted 9/1/00

Gabe and Cris put on brave face despite crushing playoff lossclick to see the picture Local Lax-Men struggle against, grudgingly accept, defeat
Franklin, MA - In what has typically come to be regarded as an ego-crushing death march, Gabe Martz (A-Oberlin, '95), Cris Necochea (A-Bucknell '95) and James Schummers (M-Oberlin, '95) embarked once again into local field lacrosse action in the fledgling Yankee League at Dean College. Team ReLax started off the season with a tough loss in the season opener, but against all odds, came back with 4 straight wins to put themselves in playoff contention by season's end - only to fall apart in the home stretch. "Wow. It was a helluva toboggan ride while it lasted," said Necochea. Added Martz: "Hey, we had a pretty fun summer overall. All we need to do is fill-in the smoking crater we had at goaltender this year and we could be contenders." "We'll get 'em next year," declared Schummers as he vowed unholy revenge against "all who oppose us". Martz led all scorers with a whole crapload of goals. - posted 8/30/00

Artist's rendition of what the future MacDougall-Dupuis Homestead will look like - photo courtesy of www.andymacd.comFile Photo: a glimpse of the couple during Nicole's 'Jackie-O' phase -- We're not sure what the hat is about, though.click to see the picture Charlotte-area couple in Da' Haüs!
Townley Road - Andrew MacDougall and Nicole Dupuis have proceeded with plans to build their new home in the swanky community of The Greens at Birkdale. When questioned as to whether the building plans included both the firepole and urinal "like we had planned back in Junior High Mechanical Drawing class", MacDougall laughed nervously and quickly changed the subject. Ms. Dupuis could not be reached for comment. This is a first house for both. - posted 9/4/00

Med student delivers lots and lots and lots of babies
now THAT's dedication to medicine!click to see the picture Pittsfield, MA - Third Year Medical Student, Gabe Martz, on loan to the Berkshire Medical Center from the UMass Medical School has seen his fair share of babies this summer during his OB-GYN rotations. "Kinda makes you think," mused Martz over his newfound perspective for entry into this crazy, crazy world. "I mean, you never really think to yourself, '7 lbs, 4oz... now THAT's heavy!'... don't get me wrong -- it certainly isn't the lightest thing in the world either, but sheesh..." Martz was later overheard apologizing to his Mother, Phyllis of South Amherst on his own behalf for weighing in at an astonishing 9 pounds 4 ounces back in November of 1973. - posted 9/1/00

... the horror... the horror...click to see the picture Sanity, Good Taste, called into question of local corporate stooge
Waltham, MA - Internet lackey, Cris Necochea of Brookline has thrown down the gauntlet in an apparently deranged quest for the most flagrant abuse of local community standards for decency and good taste seen this calendar year. "What was I thinking...?" Necochea wondered aloud. Friends and co-workers alike echoed this sentiment with opinions sharply divided between two camps: "foofy" vs. "wicked-cool-looking". An investigation into possible violations of public decency statutes is ongoing. - posted 9/4/00

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